As Covid-19 runs rampant throughout the UK, premiership football team Aston Villa have been struck full on, as their whole senior team is completely out of action due to the virus.

Even manager, Dean Smith, will be absent from the FA Cup clash with Liverpool.

Speaking to us from Villa Park, a spokesperson informed us: ‘It seethes! They all got Covid, and need to self-isolate. This means a new squad had actually to be picked at extremely short notification.’

‘ Thankfully, the head groundsman, Jim, is pretty vibrant on his toes, in spite of being 63,’ he continued, ‘so he’s consented to try in goal as player-manager.’

‘ Then there’s Terry Hicks. He usually does the line painting, so he’s utilized to increasing the wing, albeit wheeling one of those paint trolley things, however he’ll be fine, either left or right. He’s not fussed.’

‘ Dennis, he’s a good lad, son of one of the accounting professionals. He’s rather stubborn and enters difficult for a six-year-old, so we have actually picked him as our left back and group captain.’

When we asked who had actually been chosen at the essential roll of striker, the representative informed us: ‘It’s not totally chosen yet. It’s a close call in between Sid, the window cleaner – he’s fairly quick up a ladder, so we’re hoping he may be able to convert that to the flat –

or my choice,’ he continued ‘would be Doreen, from the snack bar. Sure, she’s 72, however she can land an utilized tea bag in a bin from about 30 yards! Those statistics don’t lie.’

We connected to opponents Liverpool for remark, but they were too hectic laughing.